Saturday, July 4, 2009

Rachel Sklar Says, "See, We Weren't Being Assholes!"

"You know how you can tell we weren't being assholes? Because we, the legacy media, finally got Sarah Palin to quit public life!"


Thursday, July 2, 2009

"Give it some bollocks..."

The new call to Give the Senate Some Balls recalls the Sex Pistols in a clip that doesn't really go anywhere else. Who knew Kermit was such a potty mouth?

Okay. I'm Quitting Estrogen Cold-Turkey.

Because if I'm happy and horny, no one fucking posts here. Not really. You want a vibrant conservative/libertarian movement?—well, then: you'll pray for lots of PMS among the anti-Statist females.

I'm not denigrating men, and I'm not suggesting that women are the sole driving force of civilization. I'm merely pointing out that the smart money isn't supporting those who get in our way.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Day by Day knows what we're on about

01Jul09 features a right-effing-on British Government Proxy.

Other People Who Should Shut the Fuck Up . . .

would include Joe Biden, who proves that it takes more than a village to sponsor some idiots—sometimes a whole fuckin' country, or an entire goddamned world—and makes us really fuckin' miss Dan Quayle.

And then, there are the fuckin' Sanfords—worse, the not-so-fucking Sanfords—who should just go into sex counseling for crying out loud: I like a good Bible study group as much as the next girl, but on a certain D.H. Lawrence level, one has to strengthen the earthier sides of the marriage vow as well as exercising one's spiritual muscles. Less Bible, more Kegel. LIfe requires balance, kids: open your flies (with each other). And close both of your fucking traps.

Yeah, right: "I don't have sex with my husband any more, but I'm a fucking victim!" Good for you, for not being co-dependent. Now shut up.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Oh, And: Fuck You, Canada.

I don't mean the people in Canada, some of whom are the good kind of effable. I mean Canada itself. Take it away, Russ from the AoS HQ:

You know why I'm touchy about this subject? About 16 months ago, my son Moses came into this world 6 weeks before his due date. He spent his first 19 days in a NICU bed in Des Moines, Iowa. In all the talk about what to do about the early delivery, I don't remember ANYONE suggesting "Hey, lets see if there are any beds available in a Canadian hospital, so that Big Mo can enjoy some of that free health care". The doctors and nurses (especially the nurses, who were AWESOME) who took care of Moses in the American system gave us the best care possible....and it was worth every damn dollar they got from our insurance company. For this Maple-flavored third-world douchebag to belittle the American health care system, he's got to belittle the parts of the system that I know for a fact are far from broken, and that shit ain't right. I take any attack, no matter how oblique and nuanced, on the people who care for premature babies in the Greatest Health Care System on The Planet personally. That's just how I roll, baby.

Canada, you're dead to me. I used to defend you back in the day. Hell, I used to say "Yeah, but Brian Adams ROCKED when he opened for Journey in '82!" and "Hockey is an underappreciated team sport", but now I'm through. For every Jim Carrey, you give me two Celine Dions - and you complain about the health care security blanket we provide for your citizens. I'm calling you out, hosers. Come correct with the apologies, or we'll finish the job we should have done in 1816 and offer American statehood to your Western Provinces, which are filled with manly men & comely women who still understand the value of a hard day's work.

Its not like I've got to worry about Canada actually coming after me & kicking my ass. Shit, Canada couldn't even defend itself against an attack from the Icelandic National Guard. Besides, Canadians don't respond violently to insults and abuse heaped upon them. We learned that back in 1776. They just say "Yes Daddy" to whichever Country is pulling the Gravy Train for their freeloading asses . . . .

To me, he sounds slightly fucking irritated.

Looks Like the Wrong Fucking Jackson

. . .  fucking died. Hey, Joe-the-Ho: when they ask you to comment on your son's death, they want to see tears and hear "we're sad," or some other nice lie. 

If you can't do those two things, shut the fuck up.

In the effing gym today

...I had the displeasure of taking in about an hour of CNN. WTF! I so wanted to come through the screen an muster on "dismal failure in Iraq" McCaffrey. Your opinions are so completely spineless, dude.

Then they had some crap about celebrity deaths that was completely forgettable.

What's driving my post is the cretinous boot-licking about President Hopium's Iran policy. They trotted out some polls showing only about a third of Americans disapprove of our current study in spinelessness. Wow, did your oversampling butts make it across the Hudson, and ask any real Americans in flyover country?

The Flagrant, Unrelenting, Callous, Knowlege-free Ignoramus Named Gergen and and equally nauseating Candy Crowley got on there and tried to talk around the fact that the current administration demonstrates a fawning appreciation for dictatorial thugs, Iran in this case (but the pattern repeats for Venezuela, Honduras, North Korea, etc.) that borders on the...kinky. Crowley was saying words similar to "It's so hard to tell what's really going on in Iran, what with all of these pixelated photos..."

Had I a magic wand, how satisfying it would be to whisk your have-missed-a-meal-lately self off to Tehran, for some actual reporting. You know very well it's a war zone there, yet you sit back and wax loquacious about the sad ambiguities involved. Dis-effing-gusting, all of you hacks and sophists.