Saturday, April 18, 2009

Two for Tea!

My college buddies Robin and Larry Nee at the Tax Day Tea Party in Tullahoma, Tennessee, where the crowd was exactly 628 according to Lynn Seaborn, who counted heads in a panoramic photo of the protest.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Car Kickback Czar

Rahm Emanuel: What da f**k, Steve? Da boss puts yez in charge a’ bailin’ out da auto industry, an’ now it comes out dat youse are bein’ investigated for kickbacks. No, really, Steve, I mean, what da f**k?!?

Steven Rattner: Awww, da boss knew about da whole ting. He didn’t tink it was such a big deal, why should youse?

David Axelrod: Look, I don’t remember nuttin’ about youse ‘fessin’ up to da boss about dis.

Steve: Oh, yeh, he hadda knew all about it, ‘cause I mentioned it durin’ da transition. He didn’t say nuttin’ but “Hey, don’t sweat it, everyt’ing’s jake.”

Emanuel: Ok, Car Guy, what’s yer plan for da automotive industry?

Steve: Hey, listen to dis, it’s a lu-lu! I told dem banks what Chrysler owes money to, to tear up dem IOUs.

Axelrod: Ya mean, like, Chrysler jus' skips? It don't pay nuttin'at all?

Steve: Yeh. Dat way, da banks what we gave money to kinda help pay for us bailin’ out Chrysler, see?

Emanuel: But dat way, da banks are in da hole again.

Steve: Huh. I hadn’t thunk a ‘dat.

Emanuel: Ya know what, Steve. I tink maybe we oughta take a little ride.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Speed Limits Suck

I spent a few days on the road last week going to Michigan. Why are the fucking speed limits so slow out east when you can drive as fucking fast as you can the more you travel out west?

It's only 6 fucking 5 in Virginia. Do you know how slow 6 fucking 5 feels after driving 85 in Wyoming (I was speeding there too, 75 is the limit)? It's like trying to run in a dream. Your legs are running but you are not getting anywhere. The limit is more reasonable in Michigan than in Virginia, 7 fucking 0. With almost impunity if you speed up to 75 (Until the end of the month when the highway patrol needs to fill their ticket quota).

Fuck you if you say 'unsafe in any speed'. I want to get where I'm going, fast. And fuck that 'journey, not the destination' bullshit. If I wanted a journey, I will take one when the time is right. Confucius never had to travel with little kids.