Sunday, May 10, 2009

Our civic duty to Meghan McCain

While I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, I've just figgered out why Meghan McCain has been so accommodating to the Log Cabin Boyz: she's never been around a real man.

While I'm not much into psychobabble, a strong masculine paternal influence is important to the development of any child.

Meghan grew up watching her dad suck off liberal dicks. One of her earlier influences was watching her dad choke on a big mouthful of Russ Feingold. Her dad also seemed to enjoy Ted Kennedy's throaty, whiskey flavor.

"I have a lot of respect for Sen. Specter," Meghan recently wrote in an article where she was unable to either swallow or spit out the obvious words "RINO no more."

Instead of criticizing poor Meghan, we should realize that she had no control over her environment as a child and we should (it's our civic duty) do what we can to help her out now that she's an adult.

In the spirit of social responsibility, I'm rendering my services to help poor Meghan out. I'm offering a weekend in my backwoods cabin to tutor Ms. McCain in the subject of real men. Out of respect for her busy schedule, this will be a total immersion course where we will begin by immediately tackling hardcore conservative issues.

Meghan sez that the GOP is clueless about sex. I'd like to see her put her money where her mouth is. Or her mouth where...

Meghan honey, just leave a comment or trackback below so we can start the process of setting up this date. Weekends are pretty good for me, but I can talk the boss into a couple of days off for a cause such as this. I can promise that you'll be walking away from the weekend a bit gingerly, but with a deeper appreciation of issues like the first and second amendments. I can promise that when you talk about "dick" in the future, your mind won't be on Cheney or the Log Cabin Boyz.

BTW, if you are really that into the gay thang, it shouldn't prove too difficult to have another couple of women available. If you plan on wearing a skirt on your next televised appearance, you may wish to bring a pair of kneepads, too. I'm sure your dad has plenty of extras on hand.

Effing RINOs

Here's an effing conservative who makes even effing conservatives want to say WTF. The short story is that Alabama Senator Hank Erwin wants to keep beer enthusiasts in the state from being able to drink 98 of the world's 100 best beers.

Erwin has also received national publicity for blaming Hurricane Katrina on the effing sins of folks living near the Gulf Coast. Erwin also initially co-sponsored Governor Riley's major tax increase plan.

The last time I checked, Jesus turned freaking water into wine, but Erwin seems to be hellbent on ensuring that no one in Alabama is able to enjoy some of God's more enjoyable creations.

When at war, one generally respects the enemy and treats him well in a P.O.W. camp. When Obama and the Dems try to lift my wallet, I get pissed. But it's their nature, and they proudly wear their Marxist uniforms.

When a so-called Republican tries to lift my wallet and steal my beer, I take special eff-words out of reserve to use on this lowest form of vermin. A tax-loving, beer-hating Republican is a traitor, similar to Benedict Arnold and Arlen Specter. The last time I checked, treason is still a shooting-squad offense.