[This is a dialog between MONTY, a hard-hearted individualist; and CHET, his neighbor. MONTY earns his living in a scattered way: pimping, murder-for-hire, trick-roping, singing in honky-tonks, and running a halfway house for nude dancers. CHET works for the state government as a third assistant to the supervisor in the Department of Culverts, Abutments, and Rights-of-Way; he is the foreman of his union local.]
Scene: CHET anxiously rings MONTY's doorbell. He barely glances at the IF YOU'RE SELLING SOMETHING, PISS OFF sign near the door.
Monty: Well, Chet. It's been, what? Forever? What brings you over to the dark side? Did you come to pick up all the crap your dog left on my lawn?
Chet: Monty! Monty...I...my boss Paulie sent me over. You know Paulie?
Monty: That fat turd who took forever to process my "Monty's Home for Wayward Pole-Dancers" permit? That guy? 'Cause if it is, fuck that guy, and fuck you for reminding me of him.
Chet: No. I mean, yes, that's the guy, but...well, Paulie wanted me to go to everyone in the neighborhood. To explain the...the situation.
Monty: Situation?
Chet: Yeah. Apparently...well, the state is broke. The recession, you know? And, well, you know I'm due to retire this year, and--
Monty: Retire? You're what, 50? Who retires at fifty fucking years old?
Chet: Hey, I got my thirty! My dad got me the job in the culvert inspection department right out of high school! Anyway, there's kind of a...a problem. With the, uh, the pension fund. The state promised some fat increases back in the day, but it looks like the required payment to the pension fund this year will require over 100% of expected revenues.
Monty: So that pothole in the street will only get bigger and deeper? The kids already call it Lake Watchoolookinatwillis. I think a croc lives in it. Or an alligator. Whatever the fuck we got in the northern hemisphere.
Chet: Uh...yeah, I guess. I been meaning to have the road crew look at it, but union rules prohibit them from working on any day that ends in a "y", you know. Anyway, what I really wanted to say is that Paulie -- that's my boss -- wants me to go around and explain why your property tax assessment is going up. If we don't cover the pension shortfall, it could mean that I have to work another five years. And that's just not fair!
Monty: Fair? How about this: fuck yourself. And you can carry a cordial "fuck you" over to that fat fuck Paulie too. My property taxes have gone up every year I've lived here -- property values sink, the roads suck, snowplows don't run in the winter. What the fuck am I paying you people for?
Chet: Hey, now! The State pays us!
Monty: Ever wonder where that money comes from, O Zimba the Wise? From tax receipts. Which means you do work for me, directly. And as your boss, let me repeat: fuck you.
Chet: So you don't care if hard-working people lose their retirements? What am I supposed to tell my family?
Monty: Tell them you got robbed. Tell them that someone lied to your gullible ass every day for the past thirty years, made you totally unrealistic promises they had no intention of keeping, and that you were too stupid to make contingency plans. Tell them that you traded your honor and integrity for job security so many years ago that you've forgotten what it's like to do an honest day's work. In short, my poor clueless busted-luck friend: tell your family that you fucked up and that you're sorry. Tell them that you intend to immediately begin saving every spare dime, that you plan to work two jobs, that you'll beg, barter, or sell anything of value you have to keep a roof over your family's head. Or you can just dispense with the niceties and pull a gun on me -- if you're going to rob me, just be up front about it.
Chet: I don't know where the hate is coming from. Aren't we neighbors? Fellow citizens?
Monty: A neighbor and fellow citizen wouldn't be trying to rob me.
Chet: It's not robbery! We just want what we're owed!
Monty: You're owed what you earned. And from where I'm standing, chum, you haven't earned Jack Shit. You're acting on behalf of liars and thieves, and you're trying to extort payment out of me because you ended up believing all that bullshit you've been slinging over the years. Well, you're shit out of luck as far as this peon is concerned: I ain't giving you the stink off of my shit. You want your money? Go get it from the fuckers who lied to you.
Chet: You know, we can make you pay your taxes. It's the law!
Monty: You can't make me do fuck-all. Oh, you and people like you can punish me if I don't obey, but you can't make me do anything I don't want to do. And you know what? A government that's too chicken-shit to call "theft" by its proper name is probably too chicken-shit to come and arrest me either. Fuck them and fuck you too, pal. Live on your salary like everyone else.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Moron Dinner Theater
From the comment section over at Ace of Spades.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
As Usual, Megan Fails to Appreciate the Spendthrift Mindset.
It's all very well and good to reiterate the conventional wisdom that a tax refund means you've made an interest-free loan to the government. We know that.
We also know that it's a simple matter to transfer funds from a savings account (back) into a checking account—which is what happens when the spendthrift uses automatic deductions from his or her checking account once or twice a month.
What you want to do, if you suffer from financial "impulsivity,"* is open a savings account that is in a different bank from where you do your checking. It should be across town from you, and inconvenient to your bank. They should keep old-fashioned bankers' hours, and you don't want a debit card that's linked to it, either.
* The real word is "implusiveness," but apparently people who work in psychiatry or psychology like to use a different word, so we'll know that they are "one of the club." It's reminiscent of attorneys substituting "which" for "that"—the usage may be wrong, but it marks them as part of an (illiterate) elite.
We also know that it's a simple matter to transfer funds from a savings account (back) into a checking account—which is what happens when the spendthrift uses automatic deductions from his or her checking account once or twice a month.
What you want to do, if you suffer from financial "impulsivity,"* is open a savings account that is in a different bank from where you do your checking. It should be across town from you, and inconvenient to your bank. They should keep old-fashioned bankers' hours, and you don't want a debit card that's linked to it, either.
* The real word is "implusiveness," but apparently people who work in psychiatry or psychology like to use a different word, so we'll know that they are "one of the club." It's reminiscent of attorneys substituting "which" for "that"—the usage may be wrong, but it marks them as part of an (illiterate) elite.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
An Open Letter To Steny Hoyer
Suck it up, you fucking pussy.
You received a death threat and want Republicans to denounce them?
Where the fuck were you when there were the calls of 'Kill George Bush' went out? Don't play dumb, you cocksucker. Where were the Democrat party calls for 'Civility Now'? A fucking movie was made about the assassination of President Bush. Or as you have it filed under in your DVD collection, 'Something I Furiously Beat My Dick Off To.' The response from Democrats? Crickets.
Where were the calls for civility for your own party member, Bart Stupek, when he was receiving threats about possibly voting against ObamaCare?
You pass a very unpopular bill that's now the law of the land and you are pissing and moaning about the repercussions from your actions? Grow the fuck up.
If I sound pissed it's because I am. Not by the bill that was signed into law last Tuesday but because of political grandstanding by looters like you. And because you tend to have your head up Obama's ass, I'll spell this out, this posting is not a threat but an attempt to explain how real life works.
You and your party helped to cultivate a climate of hate for the last eight years. Your fascist, feckless Reader still can't make it through a major speech without blaming Bush. People on the right and even those in the center have watched with amazement the sheer vitriol and rage that has powered the loony left. It has not gone unnoticed that they have been operating with relative impunity either.
When normal, everyday people took up signs last year and took a stand at the Tea Parties, they were instantly slurred by Anderson Cooper and David Schuster as 'Teabaggers' (It's what you do for Rahm Emmanuel, if you need a clue). The slur was repeated by that waste of a human life, Robert Gibbs and others in Congress. When millions of Americans made plans to go march on Washington DC on September 12, they were painted as bigots, racists or ignorant inbreds bitterly clinging to their guns and religion.
You can only insult and push people around for so long. Pretty soon, you will hit part of them that will push back. Do you really think the general public will want to send you invite to the next Tupperware party?
It's time you learn that you reap what you sow, you fucking ignorant pile of yak dung. By sitting on the sidelines with your thumb up your ass and not saying a thing about the hate on the left, you paved the way for what is happening now. Actions have consequences. So does inaction.
Stop your damn grandstanding, crying "Woe is me", you fermented pool of monkey spunk. By your actions and votes on bills that you haven't read and blatant disregard for the American people has led you to this. I have a daughter learning to ride a bike who cries less than you. Deal with what you did like a big boy who doesn't need diapers anymore.
And fuck you, Steny Hoyer.
You received a death threat and want Republicans to denounce them?
Where the fuck were you when there were the calls of 'Kill George Bush' went out? Don't play dumb, you cocksucker. Where were the Democrat party calls for 'Civility Now'? A fucking movie was made about the assassination of President Bush. Or as you have it filed under in your DVD collection, 'Something I Furiously Beat My Dick Off To.' The response from Democrats? Crickets.
Where were the calls for civility for your own party member, Bart Stupek, when he was receiving threats about possibly voting against ObamaCare?
Leading a revolt against President Barack Obama’s healthcare legislation over abortion has been a “living hell” for Rep. Bart Stupak (D-Mich.).
[. . .]
The fight has taken a toll on his wife, who has disconnected the phone in their home to avoid harassment.
“All the phones are unplugged at our house — tired of the obscene calls and threats. She won’t watch TV,” Stupak said during an hourlong interview with The Hill in his Rayburn office.
You pass a very unpopular bill that's now the law of the land and you are pissing and moaning about the repercussions from your actions? Grow the fuck up.
If I sound pissed it's because I am. Not by the bill that was signed into law last Tuesday but because of political grandstanding by looters like you. And because you tend to have your head up Obama's ass, I'll spell this out, this posting is not a threat but an attempt to explain how real life works.
You and your party helped to cultivate a climate of hate for the last eight years. Your fascist, feckless Reader still can't make it through a major speech without blaming Bush. People on the right and even those in the center have watched with amazement the sheer vitriol and rage that has powered the loony left. It has not gone unnoticed that they have been operating with relative impunity either.
When normal, everyday people took up signs last year and took a stand at the Tea Parties, they were instantly slurred by Anderson Cooper and David Schuster as 'Teabaggers' (It's what you do for Rahm Emmanuel, if you need a clue). The slur was repeated by that waste of a human life, Robert Gibbs and others in Congress. When millions of Americans made plans to go march on Washington DC on September 12, they were painted as bigots, racists or ignorant inbreds bitterly clinging to their guns and religion.
You can only insult and push people around for so long. Pretty soon, you will hit part of them that will push back. Do you really think the general public will want to send you invite to the next Tupperware party?
It's time you learn that you reap what you sow, you fucking ignorant pile of yak dung. By sitting on the sidelines with your thumb up your ass and not saying a thing about the hate on the left, you paved the way for what is happening now. Actions have consequences. So does inaction.
Stop your damn grandstanding, crying "Woe is me", you fermented pool of monkey spunk. By your actions and votes on bills that you haven't read and blatant disregard for the American people has led you to this. I have a daughter learning to ride a bike who cries less than you. Deal with what you did like a big boy who doesn't need diapers anymore.
And fuck you, Steny Hoyer.
Monday, March 22, 2010
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