Oh, And: Fuck You, Canada.

I don't mean the people in Canada, some of whom are the good kind of effable. I mean Canada itself. Take it away, Russ from the AoS HQ:

You know why I'm touchy about this subject? About 16 months ago, my son Moses came into this world 6 weeks before his due date. He spent his first 19 days in a NICU bed in Des Moines, Iowa. In all the talk about what to do about the early delivery, I don't remember ANYONE suggesting "Hey, lets see if there are any beds available in a Canadian hospital, so that Big Mo can enjoy some of that free health care". The doctors and nurses (especially the nurses, who were AWESOME) who took care of Moses in the American system gave us the best care possible....and it was worth every damn dollar they got from our insurance company. For this Maple-flavored third-world douchebag to belittle the American health care system, he's got to belittle the parts of the system that I know for a fact are far from broken, and that shit ain't right. I take any attack, no matter how oblique and nuanced, on the people who care for premature babies in the Greatest Health Care System on The Planet personally. That's just how I roll, baby.

Canada, you're dead to me. I used to defend you back in the day. Hell, I used to say "Yeah, but Brian Adams ROCKED when he opened for Journey in '82!" and "Hockey is an underappreciated team sport", but now I'm through. For every Jim Carrey, you give me two Celine Dions - and you complain about the health care security blanket we provide for your citizens. I'm calling you out, hosers. Come correct with the apologies, or we'll finish the job we should have done in 1816 and offer American statehood to your Western Provinces, which are filled with manly men & comely women who still understand the value of a hard day's work.

Its not like I've got to worry about Canada actually coming after me & kicking my ass. Shit, Canada couldn't even defend itself against an attack from the Icelandic National Guard. Besides, Canadians don't respond violently to insults and abuse heaped upon them. We learned that back in 1776. They just say "Yes Daddy" to whichever Country is pulling the Gravy Train for their freeloading asses . . . .

To me, he sounds slightly fucking irritated.

Looks Like the Wrong Fucking Jackson

. . .  fucking died. Hey, Joe-the-Ho: when they ask you to comment on your son's death, they want to see tears and hear "we're sad," or some other nice lie. 

If you can't do those two things, shut the fuck up.

In the effing gym today

...I had the displeasure of taking in about an hour of CNN. WTF! I so wanted to come through the screen an muster on "dismal failure in Iraq" McCaffrey. Your opinions are so completely spineless, dude.

Then they had some crap about celebrity deaths that was completely forgettable.

What's driving my post is the cretinous boot-licking about President Hopium's Iran policy. They trotted out some polls showing only about a third of Americans disapprove of our current study in spinelessness. Wow, did your oversampling butts make it across the Hudson, and ask any real Americans in flyover country?

The Flagrant, Unrelenting, Callous, Knowlege-free Ignoramus Named Gergen and and equally nauseating Candy Crowley got on there and tried to talk around the fact that the current administration demonstrates a fawning appreciation for dictatorial thugs, Iran in this case (but the pattern repeats for Venezuela, Honduras, North Korea, etc.) that borders on the...kinky. Crowley was saying words similar to "It's so hard to tell what's really going on in Iran, what with all of these pixelated photos..."

Had I a magic wand, how satisfying it would be to whisk your have-missed-a-meal-lately self off to Tehran, for some actual reporting. You know very well it's a war zone there, yet you sit back and wax loquacious about the sad ambiguities involved. Dis-effing-gusting, all of you hacks and sophists.

"Done Well"

What the hell. It's a good thing you lost your chance to be President, Senator McCain(Surprisingly, an R, Media). If you can't or are unwilling to see how Pres. Obama is doing, then maybe you should ride off into the sunset of obscurity.

• Quadrupling the deficit.
• Nationalizing banks and car manufactures.
• The firing and smearing IG Walpin (as well as others).
• The Commander-In-Chief bowing to a Saudi King.

That's for starters.

With your attitude toward the President, do you wonder why the Republicans in Congress are is a super minority status? Many of your ideas from your campaign were not that different from that young, hip guy you were running against. Have the government buy back toxic mortgages? Barack was the Coca-Cola. You were the Diet Value-Rite Soda.

You can't figure out how to oppose the message of the Democrat Party? You deserve to be voted out on your ass and let someone else be elected into the Senate who can formulate a conservative message. What the fuck good are you if you can't figure out how to verbalize the damage Obama is doing to the country? You give speeches for a living, dammit. You have aides, paralegals and interns all at your beck and call in your office. With their collective think tank, they can't give you a 3 x 5 note card with a few bullet points on it as to the shitty job Obama is doing?

Whatever service you have done for the country while in the Navy is, at best, a wash by your disservice as a Congressman.

Thanks to someone on Twitter for the link.

Strung Out Starlet Showing The Latest In Ankle Monitor Accessories

Thought it was time for an updated photo of The Conservatives Who Say Fuck's mascot, Lindsay Lohan.

Even after the numerous stints in rehab, she's still looking good in her bikini and, er, ankle bracelet.

Thanks for The Jawa Report for finding the photo.

Walpin

Frequently, Unfoseen Conditions acKnowledged
Unanimously Can sparK Friction,
Causing blacK Fumes Undulating,
uncorKing Furious, Unyielding Chaos.

Hey! Mike Kinsley! STFU!

Hey there Mr. off-key Michael Kinsley! Yeah! I'm talking to you. I just read your last column in the Washington Post. Yeah. I read the whole fucking thing. Now I'm telling you to shut the fuck up about the Star Spangled Banner.

It must be a pretty fucking slow news day for you to choose to write a whole column about how our national anthem is pretty much unsingable (in your fucking opinion). I have never heard you sing the Star Spangled Banner. But I bet you mutter along as best you can. Can I sing all the high notes? Nope. Do I try? Yup. Every fucking time. It is the national anthem after all.

I suppose I should lay out some of my beefs with your column. First off, the only portion of the poem "The Star Spangled Banner" that is the national anthem is the first stanza. All the subsequent stanzas (including the penultimate verse you reference) are part of the poem but not part of the anthem. You apparently aren't up to speed on that one.

Secondly, the songs you suggest as possible replacements are, for the most part, whimpy tunes that lamely describe the physical beauty of our nation. This is not to say that our nation isn't physically beautiful. It most surely is. But pretty much every country in the world has a song (or two) about how beautiful their fucking country is. Why would we want to lump ourselves in with everyone else on the fucking planet?

Thirdly, the only vaugely acceptable song of the ones you mentioned as a replacement is the "Battle Hymn of the Republic." I was born and raised in Virginia. I love the Battle Hymn of the Republic. I wouldn't mind all three verses being made into the National Anthem.

Lastly, I realize you are a liberal guy and all... So I can understand why you don't like the military or religious overtones of the Star Spangled Banner (and Battle Hymn of the Republic). And furthermore, I suppose your liberalism (like President Obama's) is the driving force behind this crusade against the Star Spangled Banner. You want to make it easier for people. Just like many of your positions and policies that purport to make life "easier" they really are just making people fucking soft.

Riddle me this? Do you know why we sing the Star Spangled Banner? Because it is hard. And last time I checked real Americans do things not because they are easy; but because they hard.