The Conservatives Who Say F*ck

AGW follies

2011-10-23T20:25:00.000-04:00

AGW follies at Soylent Green. Heh.

Taco Bell

2011-07-16T22:40:00.001-04:00

Via Gerard

Because I Hate You All So Much

2011-05-11T12:06:00.000-04:00

At about the 14 second mark.

But it's for a good cause.

Chris Matthews Performs His Own Version Of "Jizz In My Pants"

2011-04-06T00:02:00.000-04:00

His eyes look at the TV screen
That lets me make up what that means.
His baritone voice echos, "yes we can"
And I'm one of the few that understands.
I'm transported onto his Greek stage
The colors in my head are in a rage.
He looks at me without me needing to beg
He says my name and tingles shoot down my leg
and I

Jizz in my pants

This would never of happened to Olbermann.
What set if off was the crease in his slacks
Next time we talk I'll be sure to first jack.

And now I

Jizz in my pants

Don't say anything, I want this to be my lede.
It's attention like this is what I need.
With my ratings, I'll take what I can get.

Now I’ll go to my room and change

I need a few things for a story clip
Editing video, looking for a place to snip.
Another speech of yours appeared on screen
The warm feeling flushed and I screamed.
This isn't like me when I worked for Carter
His sweater vest never made me hotter
Something about your baritone voice
Makes my boy parts go all moist.

And I

Jizzed in my pants

It’s perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me
I'm going to need a clean up in the NBC lobby
And now I’m posed in an awkward stance because I

Jizzed in my pants

To be fair you were talking a lot
Plus your delivery got me bothered and hot
Please stop acting like you’re not impressed

All your speeches are on my iPod
Ready to watch when I want to shoot my wad
I wonder if the same thing happens to Maddow
And I

Jizzed in my pants

Last week – I saw the crease
In your pants that David Brooks told me about
I was hoping to touch the hem of your pants leg
When I

Jizzed in my pants

At the National Press Club Dinner,
I was invited to attend.
I saw the Secret Service usher you in
and I

Jizz in my pants

Mika Brzezinski said something about you and I

Jizz in my pants

Passed operational control over to NATO and I

Jizz in my pants

When you bow to foreign dignitaries I

Jizzed in my pants

ObamaCare was passed and I...

Jizzed… in… my pants

Jizzed… in… my pants

Ok seriously you guys can we… ok…

I jizz right in my pants every time you’re next to me
And when you're on TV it’s like having sex with me
You say I’m premature I just call it ecstasy
I wear a rubber on 'Hardball' now, it’s a necessity

Cuz I

Jizz… in… my pants

(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants
Yes I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants)
Yes I jizz… in… my pants
(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants)

Danzig Has Another Brick On The Effin' Lawn

2011-03-25T06:03:00.000-04:00

Heh.

Missing Missile Missive

2010-11-09T21:46:00.003-05:00

by Smitty

The left coast missile surprise has dominated the news of the day.
We can now reveal the truth. That wasn't just any missile; it was a King Missile:

What Does Dick Blumenthal And The Pedophile From The Movie, Happiness Have In Common?

2010-10-13T13:41:00.002-04:00

Other than they look like they could have been separated at birth?

First, here's Dick:

Contrast with the pedophile from the movie, Happiness.

WARNING: You may need to wash your soul after viewing this clip. It's disturbing.

The physical similarity between the two men is eerie.

Except Blumenthal is edging out in front with the creepiness factor.

Obama’s “Hope-A-Dope” Nation

2010-10-08T15:56:00.000-04:00

With two years left in his term, the errand boy sent by grocery clerks presides over a nation in deep and ever-growing trouble.

Through his propaganda of carefully crafted, semi-divine, yet vague and appealing buzzwords, Fearless Reader won the public's support. Now, his cult is crumbling.

Washington seeks to extend our dependence on government in perpetuity. A record forty-two million Americans are on food stamps. That's an 18% jump from 2009 and 1.4% from June 2010.

Political scientist William Voegeli's new book, "Never Enough: America's Limitless Welfare State" notes, "Liberals don't want the government to grow indefinitely. They just want it to be bigger than it is right now."

We are seeing, firsthand, that big government’s trillion-dollar stimulus programs don’t produce jobs.

The Democrats' stimulus includes "$145 billion in state and local aid to forestall austerity measures in the public sector," notes Manhattan Institute senior fellow E.J. McMahon. As private sector workers suffer layoffs, salary cuts and pay freezes, the stimulus gives raises to government employees—who increasingly dominate Big Labor, which returns the favor with cash for Democrats.

"I have no better friend in labor than AFSCME," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi once said of the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, the U.S.' largest political campaign donor, giving over $38 million since 1990, almost all to Democrats.

The gelding who occupies the Oval Office infused federal aid to states and localities pumping up the paychecks of heavily unionized public employees who already earn more, on average, than the people who pay their salaries.

Finally, lower cost was the campaign promise of ObamaCare, but as Medicare actuaries confirmed, it will increase healthcare costs. The president's government takeover has already begun to boost private health insurance premiums and all we’ve seen to date is the tip of the iceberg. Still more frightening—there are two more years left in this president-in-training’s term.

May God have mercy on this nation.

BREAKING: 89,000 Bogus Stimulus Checks Sent To Jailbait And Dead People

2010-10-07T17:34:00.001-04:00

The Social Security Administration, the agency was charged with distributing one-time payments, sent about 89,000 bogus stimulus checks of $250 each to dead and jailed people according to a new inspector-general’s report.

The report said that of these payments, about 55,000, were sent because the recipients had died recently, and the Social Security Administration had not been informed of their deaths by states, families or funeral homes at the time the payments were sent. The remaining 17,000 of the mistaken payments were attributed to the Social Security Administration failing to properly process death records that it did have. The combined total of the bogus payments totals an astounding $22.3 million.

The Social Security Administration says that the stimulus package didn’t include a provision allowing it to try to retrieve funds that were mistakenly sent out, so it can’t try to retrieve the money. Are you fucking kidding me?

A long-time campaigner against waste, Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) said, “This report highlights the broader problems with the Recovery Act itself. At a time like now, when nearly $350 billion in waste, fraud and abuse in the federal government annually has been reported and our national debt closing in on $13.5 trillion, these findings represent the epitome of congressional stupidity and a total disregard for accountability.”

Originally posted at No Sheeples Here.

To Ron Radosh at PJM, who's lackey isn't doing his job

2010-09-26T21:29:00.004-04:00

His piece is here:

http://pajamasmedia.com/ronradosh/2010/09/23/why-republicans-will-not-win-the-senate/

A taste:

Now consider today’s Republican Party. At a moment when it is poised to present meaningful conservative alternatives to the stale bromides of a bankrupt liberalism, far right activists who demand ideological purity and rigidity on all issues dominate the activist base, and seemingly are succeeding in producing a conservatism that is both not electable and far removed from appealing to the disappointments that are driving so many away from the Democratic Party.

My comment, and now response (since whoever there moderates comments couldn't be bothered) here at this august blog:

The center-right has been successfully demonized as being “radical” and “far-right” so long now that people, like you Ron, take it as conventional wisdom, which is definitely conventional, but rarely wise.

We need to redefine what “centrist” actually means. I believe it is not merely someone who sits in the middle between left and center-right, as that implies a center-left mindset – and that satisfies no-one. Not the 20% self-described “liberal” and definitely not the 42% of the electorate who claim “conservative”. Even the 35% who currently claim “moderate”, when push comes to shove, will abandon that and go one way or the other. And that will almost invariably end up with a majority of “conservatives” in the electorate. So someone tell me why we should have a party that panders to that middle group and leaves the larger “base” unfulfilled instead of embracing the base and reaching out to the “moderates” and convincing them that their agenda most meets their needs? After all, the moderates are the ones that need convincing and they put themselves there to be convinced. Besides, do you really think a “centrist” party is going to peel off any part of the 20% of “liberals”? When a self-identified group gets near those numbers, it’s the hard-core true-believers. they can’t BE convinced to vote for you.

In essence, Ron, you’re advocating the same policies the GOP has run for nearly ever – chase the “moderates” by being “centrist” and throw a couple bones to the conservatives but generally ignore them as they will always be there. Which was what Bush and the Republican leadership have done since Gingrich was ousted, and continue to try to do this year with neglect and active hostility towards conservative challengers in Florida, Delaware, and Alaska. Basically, be “Democrat-lite” and manage the disaster that liberalism is creating instead of actually averting it. What did that get them in 2006 and 2008?

Oh, yeah, the people will vote for the actual Democrat or Republican rather than the pale imitation.

Let's give the people an actual party for which to vote.

Amy Schumer Advertises Herself Out To Be An Easy Date

2010-09-25T08:36:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Da Tech Guy by way of the Hot Air quotes for the day.

At about the 3:58 mark, Amy Schumer lets it slip that she's had sex with about a "Baker's two dozen". So about 26 guys for a woman who isn't in her thirties yet. Out of everything she said, that could have been the worse thing that came out of her mouth. During that clip, obviously.

What irks me is how she feels it's somehow incumbent upon herself to attack Crowder's position about abstinence. Because she's been around the block more than a few times somehow makes her more wise than Crowder. She assumes that Crowder is the naive virgin with rose colored glasses and it's her duty to remove them.

She couldn't even muster up enough self esteem to give him a pat on the back and say, "Good job. Won't work with me because, you know, I'm kind of a gutter trollop myself but if it works for you. . ."

Note to Amy, being flat on your back doesn't make you world-wise. Only world weary.

Anyone else could have traded in their level of fame for some chick who was ready to trot but he hasn't. There's something to be said about the willpower and character of Crowder.

A Visual Representation Of How It Use To Work With Voters And GOP RINOs

2010-09-15T22:50:00.000-04:00

The chimp on the left was the RINO. The chimp on the right use to be the voters.

Christine O'Donnell beating noted old guy and RINO Mike Castle was one of the first of many slaps to the hand.

Thanks to BuzzFeed for the photograph.

Fucking A Right This Belongs Here

2010-08-16T01:28:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Carol over at No Sheeples Here for a terrific video. She answers the rather childish video put forward by the 'Fuck Tea' party. . . Or whatever their name is this week. Coffee, cocoa, loose stool, you know, their preferred drink instead of Tea.

I'm not sure but I think this is how a video starts to go viral:

Welcome Don Surber readers.
Welcome This Ain't Hell readers.
Welcome Little Miss Attila readers.
Welcome Nice Deb readers.
Welcome Doug Ross readers.
Welcome Conservatives4Palin readers.
Welcome IOwnTheWorld readers.

Charlie Crist Takes A Well Deserved Break From Campaigning.

2010-07-14T10:39:00.000-04:00

Once you've seen it, you can't unsee it.

Kim Kardashian Cloned*

2010-07-02T11:48:00.000-04:00

Or standing with her wax double? It's up to debate which on has had more work done.

*Alternative title was Kim Kardashian Kloned in an effort to make Charles Johnson tilt at hidden windmills.

Moe has it right here

2010-06-19T00:10:00.003-04:00

I fucking despise Communism.

And he can't say it at RedState, for obvious reasons. But he sure can say that here!

I agree with him. for all the reasons there are. Historical, economic, individualist. Whatever. There is nothing, in my opinion, that communism has to show for itself, except pain and grief. And dedicated fans in the prosperous West, who don't or won't recognize that they can't have what they have now if they get the regime they want.

Moe and I are roughly the same age with just as roughly similar backgrounds (Union and Democrat parents), we were born in the midst of the Vietnam war and grew up in it's aftermath. We both were taught by teachers who cut their teeth on the "peace" and "antiwar" movements. It WAS the '70s and '80s after all. He got much more of it than I - he went to college and got "a liberal arts major with a degree in English lit and some grad school work in library science". I joined the Navy. We both came out alright. I think he had a harder time of it, though. Much more to wade through.

He makes the point that communist countries can't even feed themselves, and therefore they are by definition illegitimate. This is true. Many of us who are our age and older remember Carter's wheat sales to the USSR, and we wondered then, why do they need our wheat, if they are this huge country pledged to our destruction? Why can't the feed themselves? Why do we need to feed them so they can kill us?

But it's more than that. Communism killed the soul of those it let survive. Everything for the state, no individuality please, thank you. That's why they had cars like the Trabant (and were grateful for it) and not cars like the Syrena Sport.

The West, relatively (and more in some places than others), was a "work hard, play hard" kind of place. And it let you play hard, if that was your wont. Behind the iron curtain, it was "work harder" and all glory was to the state, prole, be happy you are furthering the glorious revolution! Isn't that what you want? To be part of something larger than yourself?

That last sentence is key, I think, to the mindset of those who were caught behind the curtain and those who hold nostalgia today. We ALL want to be part of something larger than ourselves. It gives us meaning and a sense of belonging and purpose. I joined the Navy for that very reason. But I think those that fetishize communism and socialism feel the same way, that they are furthering a cause. That makes them dangerous. They're not doing it for themselves, you see, but for humanity. And nothing, not even human bodies, are too high a price for human perfection.

But Moe, you, and I know that the perfect is the enemy of the good.

MrMaryk out.

Fuck John McCain, THIS is straight talk

2010-06-16T13:14:00.011-04:00

Chris Christie for President!

I'm not fucking kidding. Did you see the look on the people's faces? Even those who you KNOW would normally disagree?

This guy has an ability to connect at a visceral level, and speak truths that no one can deny, no matter their political persuasion. I don't give a shit if he's fat. He gets the job done, and that's always been the criteria, hasn't it? Compare this to last night's Oval Office speech.

Yes, I'm a fan. I've seen the man work.

UPDATE: From Ed Morrisey at Hotair, who has been doing this much longer and better than I (and for filthy lucre - is there a correlation?):

One of the questions that often comes up in analysis is whether the American electorate is really prepared for the kind of tough budget cuts that are necessary to get the country back on the right track of fiscal responsibility. Christie is making New Jersey into a test case. Its electorate tilts towards the Democrats, but they elected Christie handily to reject the Leftward policies that ran the state aground. Christie has publicly and explicitly challenged the public-sector unions, has already enacted significant cuts to the budget and some services, and offers this kind of defense of conservative policies on a regular basis. If New Jersey voters wind up rewarding Christie for his clear-eyed and honest work, it should serve as a lesson that voters really do understand that there is no free lunch, and that they’re prepared to reward fiscal responsibility over pork-barrel politics.

Says it better than I. Could be why I'm a dilettante and he's a professional, methinks.

MrMaryk Out.

Crossposted at Redstate

Things To Make Matthew Yglesias's Mangina Hurt. Part II

2010-06-16T11:00:00.002-04:00

Via Smitty, the Senior Fellow over at The Other McCain Institute.*

Yglesias doesn't have anything about this yet but it's still early in the morning. Which will consist of something about right wing militias and violence and Congressional outreach to embrace the public.

Oh, wait. That last one was Democrat Congressman Bob Etheridge attacking strangers on the street in a drunken haze. Or something.

*If a useless tool like Eric Boehlert can be considered a 'Senior Fellow' at Media Matter, why not someone who actually deserves the title? Unless Boehlert has sullied the title to the point no one wants to touch it.

This Is What The Kids Are Watching Nowadays For Music Videos

2010-06-09T23:35:00.000-04:00

Lady Gaga doing her part in taking over the title of 'Gutter Trollop Of A Skanky Whore' from Madonna.

Ace has more about Gags here.

Welcome To The Party, Orrin

2010-05-28T11:25:00.001-04:00

About time you bought a fucking clue as to what Obama is doing.

But you will save your powder in the Senate Confirmation hearings for a real battle and give Elena Kagan a pass. No need to ruffle the feathers of your poker buddies.

The same way you kept your powder dry on Eric "I can call the US a 'Nation of Cowards' but can't call Radical Islam 'Radical Islam'" Holder.

The same way you kept your powder dry on that Wise Latina Woman.

The same way you kept your powder dry on Janet "J-Nap" Napolitano.

And the same way you kept your powder dry on Timmy "Turbo Tax" Geithner. Who, according to the senior Senator from Utah:

[C]alled [Geithner] "brilliant" and "honest" and said that, despite his tax errors, "I don't think we can get a better person for this position. . . . He has the kind of background that should be very helpful to us at this time."

May you go the way of Bob Bennett.

Things To Make Matthew Yglesias's Mangina Hurt

2010-05-24T11:06:00.001-04:00

The first in an ongoing series of what makes Matthew Yglesias curl in a corner of the kitchen, scarfing down a half gallon of ice cream. Other than another dateless Friday night.

And to prove that Yglesias's pissed himself scared over this commercial (Warning, linking directly to "Think [snicker] Progress").

This is how you know your ass stinks

2010-05-12T11:16:00.004-04:00

Send A T-Shirt And Send A Message (Let’s Make This Go Viral)

2010-05-11T00:48:00.004-04:00

Tim, of Left Coast Rebel, contacted me via email with a request to make an idea go viral in support of the five kids who were sent home because they chose to wear T-shirts that depicted the American flag. The idea is the brainchild of Chris, the proprietor of My Thoughts on Freedom. I’m supporting the effort and I hope you will too.

If you own a blog, please repost this on your site and invite your readers to send T-shirts to the patriotic kids who stood up for America to let them know that we’ve got their backs.

America is under attack. Ourhistory, our culture and our way of life has been assailed by forces from within to the point that if you celebrate America and what it stands for, you are called a racist, a Nazi or a tea bagger.

The latest assault on America came last week when five high school students in California were sent home for the day because they chose to be patriotic and wore T-shirts depicting the American flag on Cinco de Mayo. This act of patriotism was deemed incendiary by one school official and offensive and disrespectful by students of Mexican descent who claimed that this was their day to celebrate Mexico.

This cannot be tolerated. Even though the school's principal has since apologized, that does not begin to address the issue which is this is America and every day we are a free nation is a cause to celebrate.

To this end, we need to band together to show the anti-America crowd that we will not accept these assaults on free speech and patriotism. We also need to show, not only these five students but, students across the country that they should not be ashamed or fearful of showing their pride in America at any time.

Please show your solidarity and send a flag adorned T-shirt or any other representation of the flag to:

Flags for Freedom
c/o Live Oak High School
1505 East Main Ave.
Morgan Hill CA 95037

Let the kids know that America’s got their back.

Read more at No Sheeples Here.

Christina Henricks Dishes Advice But Are Guys Going To Seriously Listen Or Nod Politely?

2010-04-21T16:21:00.000-04:00

I'm leaning toward nodding politely.

Thanks to Jake Tapper.

Fuck, I haven't posted in a while

2010-04-20T23:29:00.021-04:00

So here's some choice pics from last weeks tea party. Press pass, bitches!

Victoria Jackson and Chris Cassone

Have you met an MP today?

mu mu mu mu my Michelle!

Both of have been called Dick, but one of us is me.

And now you have visual on MrMaryk. God help us all.

Moron Dinner Theater

2010-04-13T16:24:00.001-04:00

From the comment section over at Ace of Spades.

[This is a dialog between MONTY, a hard-hearted individualist; and CHET, his neighbor. MONTY earns his living in a scattered way: pimping, murder-for-hire, trick-roping, singing in honky-tonks, and running a halfway house for nude dancers. CHET works for the state government as a third assistant to the supervisor in the Department of Culverts, Abutments, and Rights-of-Way; he is the foreman of his union local.]

Scene: CHET anxiously rings MONTY's doorbell. He barely glances at the IF YOU'RE SELLING SOMETHING, PISS OFF sign near the door.

Monty: Well, Chet. It's been, what? Forever? What brings you over to the dark side? Did you come to pick up all the crap your dog left on my lawn?

Chet: Monty! Monty...I...my boss Paulie sent me over. You know Paulie?

Monty: That fat turd who took forever to process my "Monty's Home for Wayward Pole-Dancers" permit? That guy? 'Cause if it is, fuck that guy, and fuck you for reminding me of him.

Chet: No. I mean, yes, that's the guy, but...well, Paulie wanted me to go to everyone in the neighborhood. To explain the...the situation.

Monty: Situation?

Chet: Yeah. Apparently...well, the state is broke. The recession, you know? And, well, you know I'm due to retire this year, and--

Monty: Retire? You're what, 50? Who retires at fifty fucking years old?

Chet: Hey, I got my thirty! My dad got me the job in the culvert inspection department right out of high school! Anyway, there's kind of a...a problem. With the, uh, the pension fund. The state promised some fat increases back in the day, but it looks like the required payment to the pension fund this year will require over 100% of expected revenues.

Monty: So that pothole in the street will only get bigger and deeper? The kids already call it Lake Watchoolookinatwillis. I think a croc lives in it. Or an alligator. Whatever the fuck we got in the northern hemisphere.

Chet: Uh...yeah, I guess. I been meaning to have the road crew look at it, but union rules prohibit them from working on any day that ends in a "y", you know. Anyway, what I really wanted to say is that Paulie -- that's my boss -- wants me to go around and explain why your property tax assessment is going up. If we don't cover the pension shortfall, it could mean that I have to work another five years. And that's just not fair!

Monty: Fair? How about this: fuck yourself. And you can carry a cordial "fuck you" over to that fat fuck Paulie too. My property taxes have gone up every year I've lived here -- property values sink, the roads suck, snowplows don't run in the winter. What the fuck am I paying you people for?

Chet: Hey, now! The State pays us!

Monty: Ever wonder where that money comes from, O Zimba the Wise? From tax receipts. Which means you do work for me, directly. And as your boss, let me repeat: fuck you.

Chet: So you don't care if hard-working people lose their retirements? What am I supposed to tell my family?

Monty: Tell them you got robbed. Tell them that someone lied to your gullible ass every day for the past thirty years, made you totally unrealistic promises they had no intention of keeping, and that you were too stupid to make contingency plans. Tell them that you traded your honor and integrity for job security so many years ago that you've forgotten what it's like to do an honest day's work. In short, my poor clueless busted-luck friend: tell your family that you fucked up and that you're sorry. Tell them that you intend to immediately begin saving every spare dime, that you plan to work two jobs, that you'll beg, barter, or sell anything of value you have to keep a roof over your family's head. Or you can just dispense with the niceties and pull a gun on me -- if you're going to rob me, just be up front about it.

Chet: I don't know where the hate is coming from. Aren't we neighbors? Fellow citizens?

Monty: A neighbor and fellow citizen wouldn't be trying to rob me.

Chet: It's not robbery! We just want what we're owed!

Monty: You're owed what you earned. And from where I'm standing, chum, you haven't earned Jack Shit. You're acting on behalf of liars and thieves, and you're trying to extort payment out of me because you ended up believing all that bullshit you've been slinging over the years. Well, you're shit out of luck as far as this peon is concerned: I ain't giving you the stink off of my shit. You want your money? Go get it from the fuckers who lied to you.

Chet: You know, we can make you pay your taxes. It's the law!

Monty: You can't make me do fuck-all. Oh, you and people like you can punish me if I don't obey, but you can't make me do anything I don't want to do. And you know what? A government that's too chicken-shit to call "theft" by its proper name is probably too chicken-shit to come and arrest me either. Fuck them and fuck you too, pal. Live on your salary like everyone else.

As Usual, Megan Fails to Appreciate the Spendthrift Mindset.

2010-04-07T01:21:00.002-04:00

It's all very well and good to reiterate the conventional wisdom that a tax refund means you've made an interest-free loan to the government. We know that.

We also know that it's a simple matter to transfer funds from a savings account (back) into a checking account—which is what happens when the spendthrift uses automatic deductions from his or her checking account once or twice a month.

What you want to do, if you suffer from financial "impulsivity,"* is open a savings account that is in a different bank from where you do your checking. It should be across town from you, and inconvenient to your bank. They should keep old-fashioned bankers' hours, and you don't want a debit card that's linked to it, either.

* The real word is "implusiveness," but apparently people who work in psychiatry or psychology like to use a different word, so we'll know that they are "one of the club." It's reminiscent of attorneys substituting "which" for "that"—the usage may be wrong, but it marks them as part of an (illiterate) elite.

Your Typical Obama Supporter

2010-04-01T10:56:00.002-04:00

Important Brewing News

2010-03-29T19:24:00.001-04:00

From Fucking, Australia.

Health Care Haiku

2010-03-25T22:25:00.001-04:00

In the BFD tradition of VPOTUS.

Also, Uncle Jimbo.

An Open Letter To Steny Hoyer

2010-03-25T09:56:00.000-04:00

Suck it up, you fucking pussy.

You received a death threat and want Republicans to denounce them?

Where the fuck were you when there were the calls of 'Kill George Bush' went out? Don't play dumb, you cocksucker. Where were the Democrat party calls for 'Civility Now'? A fucking movie was made about the assassination of President Bush. Or as you have it filed under in your DVD collection, 'Something I Furiously Beat My Dick Off To.' The response from Democrats? Crickets.

Where were the calls for civility for your own party member, Bart Stupek, when he was receiving threats about possibly voting against ObamaCare?

Leading a revolt against President Barack Obama’s healthcare legislation over abortion has been a “living hell” for Rep. Bart Stupak (D-Mich.).
[. . .]
The fight has taken a toll on his wife, who has disconnected the phone in their home to avoid harassment.
“All the phones are unplugged at our house — tired of the obscene calls and threats. She won’t watch TV,” Stupak said during an hourlong interview with The Hill in his Rayburn office.

You pass a very unpopular bill that's now the law of the land and you are pissing and moaning about the repercussions from your actions? Grow the fuck up.

If I sound pissed it's because I am. Not by the bill that was signed into law last Tuesday but because of political grandstanding by looters like you. And because you tend to have your head up Obama's ass, I'll spell this out, this posting is not a threat but an attempt to explain how real life works.

You and your party helped to cultivate a climate of hate for the last eight years. Your fascist, feckless Reader still can't make it through a major speech without blaming Bush. People on the right and even those in the center have watched with amazement the sheer vitriol and rage that has powered the loony left. It has not gone unnoticed that they have been operating with relative impunity either.

When normal, everyday people took up signs last year and took a stand at the Tea Parties, they were instantly slurred by Anderson Cooper and David Schuster as 'Teabaggers' (It's what you do for Rahm Emmanuel, if you need a clue). The slur was repeated by that waste of a human life, Robert Gibbs and others in Congress. When millions of Americans made plans to go march on Washington DC on September 12, they were painted as bigots, racists or ignorant inbreds bitterly clinging to their guns and religion.

You can only insult and push people around for so long. Pretty soon, you will hit part of them that will push back. Do you really think the general public will want to send you invite to the next Tupperware party?

It's time you learn that you reap what you sow, you fucking ignorant pile of yak dung. By sitting on the sidelines with your thumb up your ass and not saying a thing about the hate on the left, you paved the way for what is happening now. Actions have consequences. So does inaction.

Stop your damn grandstanding, crying "Woe is me", you fermented pool of monkey spunk. By your actions and votes on bills that you haven't read and blatant disregard for the American people has led you to this. I have a daughter learning to ride a bike who cries less than you. Deal with what you did like a big boy who doesn't need diapers anymore.

And fuck you, Steny Hoyer.

Well. . .

2010-03-22T09:13:00.002-04:00

Fuck, this sucks.

Parents, This Is What Your Kids Are Listening To

2010-03-16T13:52:00.000-04:00

I remember when Madonna was supposed to be edgy.

Preach it, Uncle Jimbo

2010-03-15T23:29:00.000-04:00

Props.

Really?

2010-03-14T20:54:00.001-04:00

H/T Hotair Headlines

Heh.

My favorite song this weekend

2010-03-14T20:32:00.003-04:00

What? Don't like Kid Rock? Too fucking bad, don't watch.

Heh

2010-03-14T08:56:00.001-04:00

Tip of the hat goes to Knuckledragging My Life Away.

Ace On Rahm

2010-03-05T20:07:00.001-05:00

Nicely done.

Caption Contest

2010-03-03T10:12:00.000-05:00

Yes, these can easily be topped.

Barney Frank's Tent.
A sneak peak inside the gated community of Charles Johnson.
Representation of what America will look like after the full effect of Obama's economic policies.
Brain Trust of Little Green Footballs annual meeting.

Good Effin' Fellas

2010-03-02T23:23:00.000-05:00

Props to Little Effin' Attila:

http://www.angryalien.com/aa/goodfellasbuns.asp

Andrew Breitbart Says It Best To John Podesta

2010-02-27T23:11:00.003-05:00

Breitbart isn't having a breakdown but rather experiencing righteous indignation against dogshit-eating liars like Max Blumenthal.

Why Is It That Liberals Know All The Good Obscure Slang?

2010-02-24T15:11:00.005-05:00

With Donnie Douche* calling Marco Rubio a 'Coconut'?

If you are in need of some f'king knowledge like I was about the term, Michelle Malkin has the rundown.

Quick primer for those of you unfamiliar with the “coconut” insult:

If you are a conservative with Latino/Pacific Islander/Filipino heritage, you’re a coconut (brown on the outside, white on the inside).

If you are a conservative with Asian heritage, you’re a Twinkie or banana (yellow on the outside, white on the inside).

And if you are a conservative who happens to be black, you are an Oreo (black on the outside, white on the inside).

Okay, who is getting hungry?

I need to add one more. I spent a few years doing work out on the Navajo and Hopi Indian Reservations a decade or so ago. Apple is another term. Red on the outside, white on the inside.

Back to the guy with the German sounding name who denigrated minorities.

Maybe Donnie Douche is endorsing Charlie Crist because they go to the same tanning salon? Who knows?

One thing, Donnie Douche with his gelled and sculpted coiffure does look kind of creepy. He looks straight out of central casting to be the kind of dad who will encourage his daughter – when she’s a teenager -- to invite her friends over for a sleepover. Then take pictures of them while they are bouncing on a trampoline.

Or the kind of guy who will get his girlfriend pregnant then dump her. Oh, wait. That he did do.

*Yes, I know his name really is Donnie Deutsch and that calling him Douche is akin to grabbing at fruit so low hanging, it may as well be on the ground. But after fucking around with a married woman as well as dumping his pregnant girlfriend, he's earned it. Easily.

Via Not One Red Cent.

Scott Edwards fucking rocks

2010-02-21T04:04:00.002-05:00

Scott is chairman of the Republican Party Animals. Just met him here, smoking outside the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel where the 2010 CPAC has ended.

He'd better start fucking posting here soon.

Not A Michael Steele Fan

2010-02-10T08:10:00.001-05:00

Irons in the Fire just isn't a booster of the gentleman.

One More Down

2010-02-08T14:57:00.000-05:00

Democrat Jack Murtha has passed away.

Will he be missed? Let me put it this way, I cried a little when I had my morning shit.

Over Murtha? Not so much.

So Far, This Looks To Be The Best Super Bowl Commercial

2010-02-05T15:33:00.004-05:00

Evah. Jumped the gun on this. Turned out it wasn't a Super Bowl commercial after all.

Fucking SNOW!!!

2010-01-30T12:02:00.006-05:00

Must. Do. Donuts.

Maryk out.

Soon To Be 90% Off

2010-01-28T15:11:00.000-05:00

Via e-mail.

At The Golden Globes

2010-01-22T11:37:00.002-05:00

Christina Hendricks and the girls make an appearance.

And she and they are spectacular.

We know you're not much for trucks, Mr. President

2010-01-17T18:40:00.004-05:00

"Everybody can run slick games," he added. "Forget the truck. Anybody can buy a truck."

Exhibit one:

Well, I think Brown is going to "truck" you and your fucked-up agenda Tuesday. Hope you like a shit sandwich, your types have been trying to feed it to us for a year.

MrMaryk out.

I Don't Watch This Show. . .

2010-01-13T12:43:00.000-05:00

. . .But this was funny. And informative. From Gawker.

Heh Part II

2010-01-05T13:01:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Jim.

Remember, NPR Is Helped With Your Tax Money

2010-01-04T16:33:00.000-05:00

Fucking cocksucker by the name of Mark Fiore is a talentless hack who wouldn’t know a political discussion if it crapped on his chest then smeared it on his upper lip. His cartoons have the coherency of someone on a weekend bender of Quaaludes and Angel Dust and his thinking capacity is as clear as my dad’s last colonoscopy when he forgot to drink the cleanser the night before.

From Ace.

Rare F-Bomb at The House of Eratosthenes

2009-12-30T21:37:00.001-05:00

Getting called out by name in a famous comic strip can drive one to such, I suppose.

Heh

2009-12-29T15:12:00.001-05:00

Merry Fucking Christmas, Everyone

2009-12-24T15:31:00.006-05:00

And Happy Fucking New Year, too.

May 2010 be less of a shit sandwich than 2009.

From all of us at Fucking Conservatives - the best to you 3 who read us and yours this holiday season.

Maryk Out.

Update: (Smitty)
And the effin' same from Knowledge is Power:

Notorious Whore Nominates Another Kind Of Whore

2009-12-05T09:55:00.000-05:00

The most shocking aspect of all? The fact that Max Baucus was named as a Democrat in the very first paragraph.

The key quote.

“Having extensive experience and qualifications in the field, Ms. Hanes was awarded the position based solely on her merit,” he said. “Since then she has excelled in her role. As well as giving Sen. Baucus 'Round The World' and doesn't mind the occasional 'Cleavland Steamer'.”

This might have been played with. A little.

Via Ace and Drudge.

Tiger has a lesson for all of us...

2009-12-01T20:13:00.002-05:00

We have a Fifth Amendment, and it comes in quite handy.

Tiger Woods has the "right not to incriminate himself" and NOT talk to the police about his accident. He followed that simple directive and received this:

Tiger Woods will be cited for careless driving in a car crash outside his Orlando-area mansion, but will not face criminal charges, the Florida Highway Patrol said Tuesday.

Which was all the police could charge him by the evidence they had. It's $164 and 4 points. A misdemeanor moving violation. For Tiger, that's literally pocket (lint) money, and he's little risk for losing his license.

But what if he would have talked? What would have leaked out of the now public information of his statement, or his wife's?

Let's just say it's better left as speculative tabloid fodder than legal evidence, regardless of the truth - and his marriage is really none of our business, is it?

It's entirely conceivable that no matter what he may have said to the cops, they would have found something more with which to charge him, or his wife. And that's just the legal issues. What about the tabloids?

Smart, Tiger, fucking smart.

That's why this guy below is my fucking hero, just like Tiger.

This is not a Golf lesson, it's a life lesson.

Watch the whole fucking thing, and part 2.

Maryk out.

Sara Palin's problem to solve

2009-11-15T12:46:00.001-05:00

Toby Harden, in his “giver her a talk show” article hits what I think is an essential truth and problem about a possible Palin candidacy:

This is not snooty elitism – it’s based on the perception that Mrs Palin’s track record is thin and that while she has real star quality her political prescriptions are vague. Sound familiar? That may have worked for Barack Obama in 2008 but Americans are likely to want much more substance next time around.

I believe this is an obstacle she may not be able to overcome by acting as a populist, virtual “backbencher”, as she is currently operating. I say this as a fan – I would vote for her without reservation and will defend her to the ends of the earth against the BS she gets every day.

I think she will be the right person at the wrong time.

A common observation of recent Presidential elections is that, in at least one crucial personality trait or important aspect, The People elect the polar opposite of the current President.

Ford – Carter: Insider – Outsider

Carter – Reagan: Sour defeatism – Sunny optimism.

Reagan – Bush(1): Idealist – Pragmatist.

Bush(1) – Clinton: Staid – Rambunctious.

Clinton – Bush(2): Undisciplined – Disciplined.

Bush(2) – Obama: Stubborn loyalty – “Under the bus”

I’m afraid that the current amateur hour is going to be that crucial aspect. The country won’t want to give a go to another politician with a thin resume (including sadly, her resignation of the Governorship) like the last, regardless of her policy positions and how good we think she would be.

Sorry, no "fuck" in this post. Oh, wait....

Maryk out.

Can you say by FUCKING 19?

2009-11-03T22:05:00.004-05:00

Good, I knew you could.

https://www.voterinfo.sbe.virginia.gov/election/DATA/2009/37C2EDEB-FACB-44C1-AF70-05FB616DCD62/UnOfficial/2_s.shtml

Maryk out.

BREAK

Okay 17.38%. Fucking sue me.

Left Coast Rebel Strikes

2009-10-28T15:52:00.001-04:00

I like a little f-bombage that's done with some creativity. Flair. Subtlety. Call me jaded. Call on Left Coast Rebel.

Is This Blog Still Active?

2009-10-23T16:52:00.000-04:00

I Don't Know The Name Of This Game Show

2009-10-19T01:45:00.003-04:00

But I'm willing to bet that Meghan McCain is qualified to be a contestant on there.

Thanks to Carlos and his research on his upcoming trip to Italy. He might not be back.

Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize

2009-10-09T18:13:00.002-04:00

What would George Washington think?

Maryk out.

Are Republicans Pussies in General Or Just The Ones In Charge?

2009-10-08T12:46:00.002-04:00

It's become obvious that ACORN is corrupt to it's core. And the fucking pussy in charge of the GOP reaches to help ACORN up when they are hanging on a cliff when he needs to be stepping on their fucking fingers.

"The organization has a problem that it needs to deal with, with the Congress. I will say that current head of the organization, she has done a phenomenal job of getting out in front of it. I applaud her. I take her at her word that she wants to work to make sure that the bad apples are thrown out."

Michael Steele
RNC Chairman
September 15, 2009

Gateway Pundit has the audio. Steele goes squish at the 1:32 mark.

On the topic of hymns

2009-10-06T20:11:00.001-04:00

Michelle Malkin has the latest Obama praise hymn.

Harrier.net has the all-purpose rebuttal:

Short Hymn
Tune: Traditional

(WITH REVERENCE)
Hymn, hymn,
Fuck hymn. . .

Hair of Fire

2009-10-02T21:36:00.001-04:00

Has a vacation suggestion.

Dog Shit Ice Cream

2009-09-26T20:53:00.002-04:00

And here is why I like Mark Steyn, even if he is a goddamn Canuck.

Half a decade or so back, I wrote: “It’s a good basic axiom that if you take a quart of ice-cream and a quart of dog feces and mix ’em together the result will taste more like the latter than the former. That’s the problem with the U.N.”

I think he's a bit wrong, it only takes a tablespoon or so to ruin the whole batch - but then again, it seems more like 8 parts dog shit to 2 parts ice cream at the UN nowadays. And that's why I like Ambassador Bolton - he sees it for the fly-infested pile of crap it is.

And yet, the President sidles up to the soda fountain, takes a big heaping spoonful, and calls it ambrosia.

Bullshit. Or Dog Shit, as it may be.

Maryk out.

400 F-BOMBS OR LESS 09.24.09

2009-09-24T05:02:00.002-04:00

The United Nations Celebrity Roast of America and Israel

Today was apparently the United Nations roast of America and Israel. There was an all star line-up of featured speakers.

First up they went old school with the man with a plan if you wanted some shit blown up in the 80's. He took a little time off after Ronald Reagan dropped a fucking bomb on his pad. Don't kid yourself though, this guy still wants to party like its 1980, its Muammar Qaddaffi! How the fuck are we supposed to spell your name today Gaddafi? I don't want to say Muammar is still a terrorist but hey, did this guy ever, and I mean ever, apologize for the "infidels" he had killed? No, and why the fuck should he, right? What's that Moemer? You still hate America? You support Al Quaeda and wish Obama could be President forever? Well, don't we all? This guy still kills 'em after all these years. Ok Mohammar, time to go, no seriously, get off the fucking stage. Is that an F-14 I hear overhead?

Next up, Hugo Chavez. You all remember Hugo, he recently did an interview on how to indoctrinate school children into socialism. Hugo says the Devil (George W. Bush) was here yesterday and it still smells like sulphur today. Man, you can never hear too many George W. Bush is the fucking Devil/ Hitler jokes can you? The whole U.N. system is worthless? I can't disagree with that Hugee baby. Tell Sean Penn we said kiss our asses.

Now, welcome to the stage, here to apologize for the U.S. of A. and ready to dictate policy to Israel...Barack Hussein Obama. I don't want to say that he's sorry, but man, this mother fucker is sorry, if you know what I mean. Israel, why don't you stop getting in the way of Palestinian bombs and Muslim civilizations eh? No seriously, get the fuck out!

Alright folks, time to take a break. Don't go too far though, the big finish is coming up. See if you can guess which holocaust denier has been given a forum to bash America and threaten Israel. That's right...its that crazy fucking Muslim who wants to blow Israel the fuck up...Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! We apologize to Vladimir Putin, maybe we can get your ass in tomorrow.

--Rightofcourse

FINALLY: THE OFFICIAL EFFINGCONS FUCK CHARLES JOHNSON THREAD

2009-09-17T06:06:00.003-04:00

LGF finally went An Insult Too Far. That sadistic little twerp has been begging for The Mother Of All Ass-Whuppings for nearly two years, and his request is finally granted:

To be updated, as further ass-whuppings arrive. Please contribute new ass-whuppings on your own blog or in the comments.

UPDATE: No disrespect intended to Bob Belvedere's future wife, Hannah Giles. And thanks to Dan Effing Collins.

Squirelling away ACORNs

2009-09-16T14:43:00.005-04:00

It’s about numbers - not only bringing money in, but people into the organization's orbit. "Organize the unorganized" as it says at the end of their Core Principles. They can use these names and numbers to grow their base.

I’m sure they are paid by their sponsoring groups and various government agencies based upon how many contracts they write. No contracts, no money.

Based upon reporting about their GOTV activities, ACORN itself pays it’s employees almost solely on a commission basis in actual practice, if not in policy. I recall that the registrars were threatened with entire loss of pay for not getting their quota, which led to the extreme and illegal measures their employees took to get those registrations. I would not be surprised if this were the case here, leading to a culture of “get the numbers, I don’t care how or what you have to do or say” sales. And if these poor schmucks fuck up and get caught, they cut them loose without a care and ACORN says “all fixed.”

If all that is true throughout the organization, there truly seems to be an “Animal Farm” culture there. They hook them in with these lofty goals espoused in their Core Principles, yet use those very principles to yoke them to the most depraved of practices they (very) vocally deplore. I wonder how many of them are looking at their leaders and realize they are living those ominous final words of that book:

“No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

Wait - Fox and Friends found one (courtesy of NEWSBUSTERS).

Maryk out.

2009-09-12T20:38:00.000-04:00

No Sheeples Here >>Glenn Beck 9/12 Call To Action: Let’s Quarantine Corruption And Refound This Nation

George is back!

2009-09-12T20:30:00.003-04:00

H/T vodkapundit.

Maryk out.

This guy has some STONES

2009-09-11T18:03:00.003-04:00

Big, heavy fucking brass ones.

Those balls you see hanging off of the back of pickup trucks?

They cast the mold from this guy's sack.

Here’s what I have noticed from your coverage: You brought in the damage control crowd to FRAME the story. Before even airing our damning Baltimore video. You know your audience would turn on ACORN if you showed them the evidence. So instead you put your competitors in journalism in the crosshairs instead of airing a blockbuster report making massive waves elsewhere.

You even trotted out shameless Clinton era apologist Joe Conason to challenge the ETHICS of our expose. Unreal.

What about the ethics of those at ACORN caught on tape trying to help create a brothel featuring illegal immigrant age range 13-15 from El Salvador?

And he gets to dictate to CNN just what the fuck is up because he did exactly what they refuse to do - afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted.

This guy kicks ass - and our benevolent benefactor Stacy knows his 'ho.

Hoo fuckin' yah.

Maryk out.

The President was HOW late?

2009-09-10T15:13:00.005-04:00

15 minutes?

What the fuck? Does he think the rest of us work on HIS schedule?

We have a saying in the Navy, "If you're on time, you're late."

We know there are events that conspire to block the best plans of mice and men. We accommodate with the "five minute rule" - We'll wait five minutes, out of respect and understanding.

After that, it's "Fuck it, if it ain't important to you, it ain't important to me."

Why the hell did Congress stick around sitting on their hands? He scheduled that joint session, you'd think he would have the respect for the legislators to at least be on fucking time.

Compare to the previous President. I have it on very good authority that straying from schedule was the one thing that would irritate President Bush to no end. My source said, “When something went late, for any reason, it was the only time I ever saw him truly upset. He felt that the schedule wasn’t just important to him, but that he didn’t want to have people wasting their time waiting for him.”

This guy? Center of the universe - everything revolves around him. This was a petty power play of the basest sort - your schedule depends on his.

So Senators and Congressmen, how's his ass taste?

Effing conservative wear

2009-09-07T17:19:00.000-04:00

Get yours here.

The Unexpurgated Moon Landing

2009-09-06T01:20:00.000-04:00

I think the proper response to Congressman Baron Hill (D-IN) is...

2009-09-03T19:00:00.006-04:00

Fuck you very much, sir.

Maryk out

BREAK: Moe Lane lays it out in the way only he can.

This is Smitty1e if he were...

2009-09-01T18:37:00.002-04:00

Young

Thin

Handsome

In the Army

Living in Missouri

Maryk out.

This is funny as fuck

2009-08-31T20:08:00.005-04:00

True, too.

H/T Ace-'O-Spades

Maryk out.

This is fucking awesome

2009-08-28T20:43:00.004-04:00

I really fucking hate PETA.

I also really fucking like The Onion.

Because, like us, they don't really give a fuck who you are.

Maryk out.

H/T Feminist law professors

Interesting ASCII F-bombage

2009-08-27T21:46:00.001-04:00

And so timely.

Dr. Sanity talks shit

2009-08-08T20:40:00.001-04:00

Since this blog lacks any focus on stools, we'll forward you.

Zappa to Tea Parties: We've Got to Stick Together

2009-08-07T23:12:00.002-04:00

The labor movement's got the Mafia curse

Just One F-Bomb to Qualify

2009-08-07T05:55:00.001-04:00

This clip is just pure dude humor, but it has THAT WORD, making this about the only appropriate place to post it.

Your next vacation site

2009-07-30T13:31:00.001-04:00

Anorak has the story about just the right Austrian town.

How to Get Disqualified fromthe Rule 5 BikiniFest Week Contest

2009-07-27T23:17:00.001-04:00

As was clearly stated in the contest rules, "No minors." Perhaps there should have been an asterisk also disqualifying adult models posed in "naughty schoolgirl" costumes, you sick freaks.

This afternoon, Smitty called to check in and I mentioned my little jest at Donald Douglas's expense about the Florida guy who lost his job because he married a woman who, in her professional career, is a porn star known as Jazella Moore. This led to a discussion of Donald's "Erin Andrews nude" Google-bomb stunt and the outraged reactions of such lady folk as Cassandra:

Don't get me wrong. I understand the impulse to look. We all have impulses -- often powerful ones -- that conflict with our values. What I don't understand is the cynical decision to repeatedly exploit someone else's misfortune . . .

Well, the impulse to enhance one's blog traffic is surely powerful. It is generally agreed that Donald should not have linked this criminal peephole video. However, as I have tried to point out, if Donald is "repeatedly exploit[ing] someone else's misfortune," is he more guilty than CNN and Howard Kurtz?

This is not to engage in moral relativism, but rather to indicate a serious question: Why can the MSM "respectably" exploit tragedy -- e.g., the death of Princess Di -- and overcrowd the airwaves with ads for Cialis and Levitra and all manner of lurid programming, without any real criticism? And yet if an individual like Donald tries to grab a small slice of this commercialized concupiscence, he is condemned as a vile sub-human pervert. Do the stockholders and executives who earn money from CNN and other MSM behemoths ever have to face the kind of condemnation that Donald Douglas has recently endured?

Understand that I don't mean to defend what the professor did. I merely point out that he is being condemned primarily because he said, "Hey, look, I'm exploiting the prurient interest of porn-Googlers!" rather than adopting the kind of bogus "respectability" porture that leads to Greta Van Susteren standing on a tropical beach telling us about the tragic circumstances surrounding the disappearance of the innocent teenage blonde who was (it is insinuated, though never explicitly stated) viciously raped and forcibly sodomized before being brutally murdered and fed to the sharks.

"Nothing grabs an editor's eye like a good rape."
-- Hunter S. Thompson, Hell's Angels

To condemn only those who engage in exploitation that is purposefully transparent and self-conscious, you see, is to let off the hook all the respectable peddlers of what Thompson condemned as "hired bullshit."

February is "sweeps months" in TV ratings, and a couple years ago, I saw an hour-long Fox News SPECIAL REPORT about the dangers encountered by college student during Spring Break in Daytona Beach, Cabo San Lucas and other resort locations.

Yes, indeed! Until I saw this SPECIAL REPORT, I had no idea what evil could befall beautiful coeds as they run around the beaches and bars, get sloppy drunk, in bikinis, in wet T-shirts and -- sometimes, as extensively documented by this fine team of investigative journalists from Fox News -- in nothing all.

Nice work, if you can get it, eh? While I don't pay much attention to journalism awards -- if the Pulitzer committee insists on overlooking me, I'll return the favor -- I would argue that this Fox News SPECIAL REPORT was one of the most brilliantly conceived projects in the history of television. Imagine the scene as the producer went to his boss to pitch his idea:

BOSS: You want to do what?
PRODUCER: Fly down to Daytona Beach with a camera crew during Spring Break and get a week's worth of footage of 19-year-old girls in bikinis guzzling draft beer and flashing their breasts.
BOSS: And you want me to pay you to do this?

Say what you will about the ethics of this project, but that producer certainly deserves some kind of award for moxie.

Well, this background was not discussed with Smitty. Rather, we discussed Cassandra's thighs -- no, actually, what happened was that mention was made of that classic pinup of the lady whose garter-clad thigh lends a touch of enticing glamour to Villainous Company. Guys dig the stockings-and-garter theme, Cass -- don't go changing.

It seems rather an odd assertion of feminine privilege, however, to say that only ladybloggers can employ pinup glamour as a decorative motif, while guys who display a bit of stocking-clad cheesecake on their blogs are guilty of some horrible evil.

To gain mastery over one's impulses is certainly a worthy goal, especially -- as Smitty and I discussed -- considering the dire warnings from porn expert Ross Douthat:

"Today, the Internet and DirecTV are normalizing everything, from group sex to bestiality to darker things that decency forbids mentioning. And as for pedophilia -- why, any erotic website worth its salt promises links to images of the 'barely legal,' 'young teen sluts,' and all the rest. Today, Nabokov's Humbert would need not be a tragic figure; instead, he could have spent his years ensconced in front of a glowing computer screen, with a thousand Lolitas for his delectation."

We are grateful for Douthat's years of being so "ensconced." Certainly, it took intense research for a college student to develop such a sophisticated understanding of this baleful phenomenon. And as we discussed the attacks on Donald Douglas, the rationale of Rule 5 was defended by reference to Douthat's findings. This discussion I paraphrase from memory:

"What the fiddlesticks? It's just cheesecake. And it's the gosh-darned Internet, for crying out loud! Everybody's just one click away from all the dadgum porn they could ever want."

Indeed, this is the shocking discovery made by Douthat -- and he went to Harvard, you know. Far be it from a mere blogger to attempt such research. But Cassandra is right about those powerful impulses. Some guys can't resist a redhead. Some guys can't resist a chick in black stockings.

Me? I can't resist a joke. So, while this post is certainly disqualified from competition in the Rule 5 BikiniFest, I'm thinking that if Ross Douthat is the sort of person who has a Google Alert for his own name, he's definitely ensconced now. Or he soon will be. Research, Ross, research!

Oh, Smitty has picked the Monday winner! (We're sure Cassandra will approve.)

Operation Renaissance

2009-07-16T16:19:00.004-04:00

Just got off the phone with a Democratic source that I'm trying to develop for the IG-Gate story. I've talked about the source I call "Deep Cleavage." This one I'm calling "Renaissance," for reasons that could be explained, but won't.

What I need, my dear friends, is some prayer. Yeah, I know, Effing Conservatives is a strange kind of venue to be asking for prayer, but I didn't want to put this on one of my more common blogging places. Stuff gets around, the Internet is a hard place to keep secrets, and Renaissance doesn't realize how important it is for me to have a trustworthy, confidential source on the Democratic side of this investigation.

"Investigative reporting" is kind of a misnomer, as if it involved something other than regular old-fashioned journalism. Basically, "investigative reporting" involves stuff that important officials don't want publicly known, secretly disclosed to the press by people who know about the stuff.

Nothing is more important to this kind of reporting than trust: The source has to know that the reporter will not (a) report anything that isn't ready to be reported yet, or (b) accidentally identify the source, who might be fired if his identity were discovered.

Sometimes, the source is leaking with permission of his boss, but it's still important to conceal specifically where it's coming from, in order to avoid unwanted consequences. It's easy enough for a conservative reporter to develop Republican sources, but developing a Democratic source . . . like I said, pray.

The reason I'm writing this is kind of as a memo to myself. If Operation Renaissance works out like I hope it will work out, it's going to be beautiful. However, budgetary considerations require that I ask my friends to hit the tip jar. Renaissance wants to go to lunch, and . . . well, in such a situation, a gentleman doesn't want to appear to be a cheapskate.

Charm can be a valuable resource, so if you're reading between the lines, hit the tip jar. And pray.

To quote a line from Toy Story 2: "I'm a married spud! I'm a married spud!"

Phallus of malice

2009-07-11T21:29:00.003-04:00

To paraphrase Carlin:

Our thrust is to prick holes in the stiff front erected by the debt dealers. We must keep mounting an offensive to penetrate any crack in their defenses. Let’s get on them. Let’s ram through a stiff tax law so it will be hard for them to get it up. It’ll be hard on us, but we can’t lick it by being soft!

What an effing suppository.
h/t Bluegrass Pundit

Things That Make You Say Fuck

2009-07-08T17:34:00.007-04:00

Completely off-topic (well, as concerns the political aspect of this site, anyway), but seeing as this is my inaugural post, I reckon that gives me license.

For any fans of The Wire, this clip'll be familiar. For everyone else, watch and learn as it's proven beyond any reasonable doubt that fuck is a more versatile (and just plain better) word than even dude.

Dude.

Ignore the one or two non-eff-words at the beginning of the video. From 25 seconds on, the scene is nothing but a fuck-fest (in vocabularic terms). This is the benchmark, conveying everything that needs be said through one simple, beautiful word.

And now, please go visit my site.

Because it's fuckin' ace.

Tea Party Summary

2009-07-05T15:28:00.001-04:00

via AoSHQ

Rachel Sklar Says, "See, We Weren't Being Assholes!"

2009-07-04T02:36:00.002-04:00

"You know how you can tell we weren't being assholes? Because we, the legacy media, finally got Sarah Palin to quit public life!"

q.e.fucking.d.

"Give it some bollocks..."

2009-07-02T23:36:00.002-04:00

The new call to Give the Senate Some Balls recalls the Sex Pistols in a clip that doesn't really go anywhere else. Who knew Kermit was such a potty mouth?

Okay. I'm Quitting Estrogen Cold-Turkey.

2009-07-02T07:16:00.002-04:00

Because if I'm happy and horny, no one fucking posts here. Not really. You want a vibrant conservative/libertarian movement?—well, then: you'll pray for lots of PMS among the anti-Statist females.

I'm not denigrating men, and I'm not suggesting that women are the sole driving force of civilization. I'm merely pointing out that the smart money isn't supporting those who get in our way.

Day by Day knows what we're on about

2009-07-01T07:32:00.001-04:00

01Jul09 features a right-effing-on British Government Proxy.

Other People Who Should Shut the Fuck Up . . .

2009-07-01T00:36:00.002-04:00

would include Joe Biden, who proves that it takes more than a village to sponsor some idiots—sometimes a whole fuckin' country, or an entire goddamned world—and makes us really fuckin' miss Dan Quayle.

And then, there are the fuckin' Sanfords—worse, the not-so-fucking Sanfords—who should just go into sex counseling for crying out loud: I like a good Bible study group as much as the next girl, but on a certain D.H. Lawrence level, one has to strengthen the earthier sides of the marriage vow as well as exercising one's spiritual muscles. Less Bible, more Kegel. LIfe requires balance, kids: open your flies (with each other). And close both of your fucking traps.

Yeah, right: "I don't have sex with my husband any more, but I'm a fucking victim!" Good for you, for not being co-dependent. Now shut up.

Oh, And: Fuck You, Canada.

2009-06-29T21:31:00.004-04:00

I don't mean the people in Canada, some of whom are the good kind of effable. I mean Canada itself. Take it away, Russ from the AoS HQ:

You know why I'm touchy about this subject? About 16 months ago, my son Moses came into this world 6 weeks before his due date. He spent his first 19 days in a NICU bed in Des Moines, Iowa. In all the talk about what to do about the early delivery, I don't remember ANYONE suggesting "Hey, lets see if there are any beds available in a Canadian hospital, so that Big Mo can enjoy some of that free health care". The doctors and nurses (especially the nurses, who were AWESOME) who took care of Moses in the American system gave us the best care possible....and it was worth every damn dollar they got from our insurance company. For this Maple-flavored third-world douchebag to belittle the American health care system, he's got to belittle the parts of the system that I know for a fact are far from broken, and that shit ain't right. I take any attack, no matter how oblique and nuanced, on the people who care for premature babies in the Greatest Health Care System on The Planet personally. That's just how I roll, baby.
Canada, you're dead to me. I used to defend you back in the day. Hell, I used to say "Yeah, but Brian Adams ROCKED when he opened for Journey in '82!" and "Hockey is an underappreciated team sport", but now I'm through. For every Jim Carrey, you give me two Celine Dions - and you complain about the health care security blanket we provide for your citizens. I'm calling you out, hosers. Come correct with the apologies, or we'll finish the job we should have done in 1816 and offer American statehood to your Western Provinces, which are filled with manly men & comely women who still understand the value of a hard day's work.
Its not like I've got to worry about Canada actually coming after me & kicking my ass. Shit, Canada couldn't even defend itself against an attack from the Icelandic National Guard. Besides, Canadians don't respond violently to insults and abuse heaped upon them. We learned that back in 1776. They just say "Yes Daddy" to whichever Country is pulling the Gravy Train for their freeloading asses . . . .

To me, he sounds slightly fucking irritated.

Looks Like the Wrong Fucking Jackson

2009-06-29T21:19:00.002-04:00

. . . fucking died. Hey, Joe-the-Ho: when they ask you to comment on your son's death, they want to see tears and hear "we're sad," or some other nice lie.

If you can't do those two things, shut the fuck up.

In the effing gym today

2009-06-29T20:56:00.003-04:00

...I had the displeasure of taking in about an hour of CNN. WTF! I so wanted to come through the screen an muster on "dismal failure in Iraq" McCaffrey. Your opinions are so completely spineless, dude.

Then they had some crap about celebrity deaths that was completely forgettable.

What's driving my post is the cretinous boot-licking about President Hopium's Iran policy. They trotted out some polls showing only about a third of Americans disapprove of our current study in spinelessness. Wow, did your oversampling butts make it across the Hudson, and ask any real Americans in flyover country?

The Flagrant, Unrelenting, Callous, Knowlege-free Ignoramus Named Gergen and and equally nauseating Candy Crowley got on there and tried to talk around the fact that the current administration demonstrates a fawning appreciation for dictatorial thugs, Iran in this case (but the pattern repeats for Venezuela, Honduras, North Korea, etc.) that borders on the...kinky. Crowley was saying words similar to "It's so hard to tell what's really going on in Iran, what with all of these pixelated photos..."

Had I a magic wand, how satisfying it would be to whisk your have-missed-a-meal-lately self off to Tehran, for some actual reporting. You know very well it's a war zone there, yet you sit back and wax loquacious about the sad ambiguities involved. Dis-effing-gusting, all of you hacks and sophists.

"Done Well"

2009-06-21T23:12:00.005-04:00

What the hell. It's a good thing you lost your chance to be President, Senator McCain(Surprisingly, an R, Media). If you can't or are unwilling to see how Pres. Obama is doing, then maybe you should ride off into the sunset of obscurity.

Quadrupling the deficit.
Nationalizing banks and car manufactures.
The firing and smearing IG Walpin (as well as others).
The Commander-In-Chief bowing to a Saudi King.

That's for starters.

With your attitude toward the President, do you wonder why the Republicans in Congress are is a super minority status? Many of your ideas from your campaign were not that different from that young, hip guy you were running against. Have the government buy back toxic mortgages? Barack was the Coca-Cola. You were the Diet Value-Rite Soda.

You can't figure out how to oppose the message of the Democrat Party? You deserve to be voted out on your ass and let someone else be elected into the Senate who can formulate a conservative message. What the fuck good are you if you can't figure out how to verbalize the damage Obama is doing to the country? You give speeches for a living, dammit. You have aides, paralegals and interns all at your beck and call in your office. With their collective think tank, they can't give you a 3 x 5 note card with a few bullet points on it as to the shitty job Obama is doing?

Whatever service you have done for the country while in the Navy is, at best, a wash by your disservice as a Congressman.

Thanks to someone on Twitter for the link.